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(This is a pregnancy book staple, I am discovering.) I know how it looks: at 41, single and pregnant, I'm a sad, lonely outlier. You know that model — boy meets girl (the girl is always met, after all! And I've realized just how many non-traditional parents I know.
), boy marries girl, boy impregnates girl, smiling happy family ensues. Sometimes boy and girl meet, marry, and struggle with that third part — maybe boy has a low sperm count, or girl has uterine fibroids. I'm now in my second trimester and luckily, all is well so far. There's the friend who has been jumping through the complex hoops of surrogacy across three states and counting.
But the trends are showing that more women will try, and more of those tries will have a better chance of success.
(Three points on technology feeding into this trend: (1) demand for reproductive technologies is clearly on the rise; (2) at this point it is quite expensive; (3) both those things should incentivize entry into the marketplace, which will increase access and, eventually, bring down costs.
Certainly not single mothers, whose birth rates have been increasing steadily for decades, particularly over the past decade.
They account for over half of first births in the United States and approximately 40% of all newborns.
Sometimes girl says, fuck it, I'll do it on my own. There's the single friend who took advantage of her company's corporate egg-freezing benefit because she's in her mid-30s and hopes to someday have kids, and the married friend who did it because she's in her mid-30s and isn't sure yet.
And sometimes, at 41, after lots of great relationships and some less-great relationships and optimistic plans to explore fertility treatments, girl gets unexpectedly knocked up. There are the friends with kids in their 20s, 30s, and IVF-assisted 40s.
Emails from older women telling me they'd had kids in their 40s and I'd be fine.
Emails from men sharing, proudly, that they'd been raised by a single mom. It hit such a nerve that I realized just how far underground this conversation has been, and how far we still have to go in talking openly about it.
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